"This year's just gone so quick hasn't it? D'you know why I reckon that is? I reckon that is because, the thing with this year, yeah, this year started with lots of winter and the thing with winter is that in winter, yeah, in winter the days are really quite short. Like, you know, there's not much light so the days are short. And 'cause the days have been like proper short that all together, like short days together, has made like the year short."
Her friend simply replied "Oh yeah, I'd never thought of that." When what she actually should have said was "Let me just stop you one minute. Three things:
- We live in the northern hemisphere. Every fucking year starts with winter! Admittedly the cold weather has spanned out a little more than usual but of course this has absolutely no impact WHATSOEVER on the amount of daylight we get. You dozy shit!
- Even if there had been a reduced amount of day light, WHICH OF COURSE THERE HAS NOT, then that would surely have no impact on how long the days have seemed, would it? I don't know if you've noticed but we're not bloody cockerels - we don't crow exclusively at dawn. We get up at 7am regardless of the light conditions. It's not as if, through the winter, you get calls from your boss at 9.15 to say "where are you? YOU'RE LATE!" to which you can only respond "oh sorry, I would be there it's just there's only been 45 minutes of sunlight and that's know where near enough time to get there!". Nor through July are you staring at the window at gone eleven with heavy eyes screaming "WILL YOU JUST FUCK OFF SUN!! I NEED SOME BLOODY SLEEP!!". No, we have the same waking hours year round because we live in the age of the electric light. So it would have absolutely no impact on how long each day seems to take would it? You stupid dicksplash!
- The reason this year, like every other year of your life, has seemed shorter than the one that preceded it is because you're getting older. You mad old cow."
But like I say, she didn't say that but she definitely should have.
And it's that third point that I wanna vent some steam about. It really amazes me how much time people spend being surprised each year that it's gone so quickly. And they say things like "I swear as you get older the time just flies by" as if it were an old wives' tale!
The fact is it's bloody obvious that would happen. For the simple reason that your life never seems any longer. Sure you do feel older but you never feel like you've been here for longer. You're birth* never feels like it was longer ago; you never catch a parent say to a four year old "can you tidy your toys away now please?" only for the child to respond "Hold on a sec, mother, I've only just climbed out of your womb!", nor do you ever hear an octogenarian say "birth? God, that was ages ago now!"
Of course you don't hear that because the start of your life never seems like longer ago and, as that's your only reference point, your life never seems like it's been any longer. The length of your life, as it seems to you, is a constant. And what does this mean? Well it means that whatever length of time you're considering, the length that it seems to you is simply whatever fraction of your life so far that it represents! Obviously! So of course time speeds up when you're older!
I reckon this is the reason that children are so bloody impatient! If you tell a six-year old to wait five minutes, they just can't! And maybe that's fair, to six year old five minutes is 1.58x10⁻⁴% of your life. That really drags!
Conversely, old people can quite often sit for an hour before it bothers them. Which again is reasonable because, at eight-five, an hour is 1.34x10⁻⁴% - ample time!
So yeah, next time you hear someone go on and on about how quickly the year's going and it's boring you to tears just tell to stop stating the fucking obvious and explain to them the logic^! Then maybe, when we're not using every breath noting the passing of time, we might be able to sort out some of these bloody issues the world has!
*Really this should be your earliest memory rather than birth but then the rest of that paragraph wouldn't really work!
^Should you not be able to explain the logic to them then why not send them to this blog? Actually, on second thoughts, just send them to this blog anyway. I really need some bloody readers!
