Friday, 15 June 2012

I can be your customer, I can be your product. But make your fucking mind up!!

Last Friday I went to the cinema. I went to see Prometheus, it was actually much better than I was expecting and a thoroughly enjoyable film; but I'm not going to review - there are plenty of twats that have done that already!

But my point is that I went to the cinema for a showing at 13.15 on a weekday. This meant that the ticket price was discounted because it was a "matinee" showing.
"Brilliant" I thought "it will be really cheap!"
I also used my NUS card which meant that I got a further discount on my ticket.
"Wizzo" went my internal monologue "this will be practically free!"

Oh how wrong I was!

"That will be £9.30 please"

WHAT?? NINE POUND THIRTY, WHAT, ARE YOU MUGGING ME OFF!

That was my internal reaction but because I'm British I actually just said "OK" and handed over a tenner.

At this point I looked at my receipt and discovered something.

£1.20 of the £9.30 was for the 3D glasses!
WHAT??
That is extortion!
I went to see a film that needed these glasses to make it viewable and not a blurry mess. I.E. If these glasses are not used then the film is worthless.
I am already being charged £8.10 to enter the room and sit down to look at the screen - I don't think it needs to be pointed out that this, in itself, is too much!
But, in order to make this actually worth anything, another £1.20 must be spent.
Now I understand if I was charged cost price - the cinema doesn't want its already extraordinary profit margin eroded.
But there is no way in hell the cot price of these glasses was £1.20, at least £1.10 of that must be profit.

Frankly, this makes my blood boil!

But, at least, I could now sit down and just enjoy my film.
WRONG!
Having already been charged £9.30 to enter the room and be able to watch the film, for the first twenty five minutes in the room I had to watch adverts.
By the way, the Pepsi logo was also pasted all over my ticket and receipt!
But, there was also TWENTY-FIVE MINUTES of adverts.
There was about sixty people in the room, presuming about £8 profit on each person (I can tell you for a fact that this cinema has a policy of paying minimum wage only!) then that means that there was already a profit of £480 just from that showing's tickets alone!
But obviously, this wasn't enough because they forced adverts down our throats!

Now, I in no way object to being advertised at. I'm quite happy to be the product in this business model. When I watch Channel 4 the adverts don't bother me at all because I'm watching quality programming for free! FOR FREE! Here, I am the product which Channel 4 are selling to the advertisers and its a pleasure!

But, in this context, I'm not really the product am I?
Because a few minutes back you charged me an extortionate entry fee!
That makes me your customer!

So, if I'm your customer then you'll surely show me no more than three adverts.

But you actually showed over forty adverts/trailers, therefore I am a product and surely I should be entering for a fee no more than cost price, or ideally free!

But you get the idea. There are two possible business models: Product (enter for little or no fee and see adverts) or customer (pay a larger fee but see little or no adverts).
So Showcase Cinemas in Loddon Bridge, Reading (thought I would name and shame): I can be your customer, I can be your product. But make your fucking mind up!! I will not be both!

If you found this remotely amusing, interesting, thought-provoking, enraging, life-changing, incriminating or arousing then follow me on twitter: www.twitter.com/Russell_LParker

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